is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
