But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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