Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
