the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
