I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He better not be in your backpack
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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