Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize