Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
