I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
