The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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