I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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