I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
