as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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