she was so not down for the gang bang
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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