Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
