Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize