never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
