So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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