I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
