woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize