I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
