Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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