you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
