Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
