I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
