Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
