it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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