there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
