She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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