I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
