i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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