does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
