My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
