You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
