I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
