i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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