you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
operation have a gay friend backfired
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
