I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
