Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We need to get me chipped asap
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
