Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
