The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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