Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
