doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
