Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
