Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
