Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
