There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize