Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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