I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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