I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
