I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
