Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
