PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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