Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
