My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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