im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
