before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
