The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
