I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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