My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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