YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize