This girl is more easily done than said...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
COCAINE IS GR8
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
