Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
