I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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