She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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