My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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