so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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