I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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